Communication is your signature to the world. It’s the first and last thing people will remember about you – how you communicate can be a build or breaking point.
You communicate your style from the time someone experiences you (seeing, hearing, feeling, etc) to the time you leave them. Are you leaving people abruptly? Are you easing yourself into your exit? How friendly are you at the welcome? Are you smiling? Look irritated? etc.
All of this is communication.
We haven’t even talked about your clothing, grooming, virtual presence, etc. All of it is part of your communication package.
Ever wonder why certain type of people keep advancing in their career while other seems to be stuck?
Well, that has 90% (made up number) to do with communication style. We can dedicate the entire website and google for that matter to communication. But, let’s break it down – we won’t talk about fashion or non-verbals here, but actually speaking style.
The goal of communication skills is to help you connect with others. The stronger the interactions the more memorable the engagement and the power social currency we build.
Reflect on your more recent engagement with another person, before the approach you already made a decision to engage or ignore. If you choose to engage, you might have thrown on a smile, headed in their direction, made eye contact, etc. you gave non-verbal invitation to engage. An opening.
As soon as the conversation started, you had assumptions of what type of conversation you could have with this person you continued to engage if they supported your assumption, or looked for an way out. Either way, they made and impression on you and you on them.
Communication always happens on multiple levels, and today, we’ll explore few of these communication styles.
What Are Communication Styles?
Communication styles are the various ways people express themselves and interpret the world around them. They shape how we convey ideas, emotions, and intentions. Developing an awareness of these styles is crucial because it allows you to tailor your approach to different personalities and situations.
Imagine if you could effortlessly connect with anyone, regardless of their background or role.
Sounds appealing, right?
The Four Primary Communication Styles
Passive Communication Style
Passive communicators often avoid expressing their thoughts and feelings directly. They might prioritize others’ opinions over their own and struggle with setting boundaries.
Does this sound familiar?
While maintaining harmony is valuable, passive communication can lead to misunderstandings and unfulfilled needs. As a leader, understanding passive communication helps you create an environment where everyone feels heard and valued.
Key Characteristics:
- Avoids expressing opinions or needs
- Prioritizes others’ needs to avoid conflict
- Difficulty saying “no”
- Internalizes frustration, which can build up
- May feel like a victim or that their feelings don’t matter
Common Phrases:
- “It doesn’t matter to me.”
- “Whatever you want is fine.”
- “I’ll just go with the flow.”
- Frequent apologies, even when not necessary.
Body Language:
- Avoiding eye contact
- Slouching or a slumped posture
- Quiet or hesitant tone of voice
- Fidgeting
Impact on Others:
- Others may initially see them as easygoing but can become frustrated by their lack of input or decisiveness.
- Can lead to misunderstandings as true feelings are hidden.
- Others may take advantage of their reluctance to assert themselves.
Dealing with Passive Communicators:
- Ask open-ended questions to encourage them to share their thoughts.
- Create a safe and supportive environment for them to express themselves.
- Be patient and give them time to respond.
- Acknowledge their input when they do share.
Aggressive Communication Style
Aggressive communicators express their thoughts and feelings openly, often at the expense of others. They might dominate conversations and prioritize their own needs.
Have you ever encountered someone who seemed more interested in winning the argument than finding a solution?
While directness can be effective, aggressive communication can damage relationships and create a hostile work environment.
Key Characteristics:
- Expresses needs and desires coercively and demandingly
- Disregards the needs, feelings, and rights of others
- Aims to win arguments or dominate
- Can be critical, blaming, and intimidating
- Low tolerance for frustration; may lash out
Common Phrases:
- “You always…” or “You never…”
- “This is your fault.”
- “You’re wrong.”
- “Do it my way.”
- Interrupting or talking over others.
Body Language:
- Loud, demanding tone of voice
- Intense or glaring eye contact (or standing too close)
- Pointing fingers, clenched fists
- Tense or rigid posture
Impact on Others:
- Can make others feel attacked, belittled, defensive, or fearful.
- Damages trust and mutual respect.
- Often leads to conflict and resentment rather than resolution.
- People may avoid interacting with them.
Dealing with Aggressive Communicators:
- Stay calm and avoid becoming aggressive in return.
- Use “I” statements to express how their behavior affects you.
- Set clear boundaries respectfully.
- If necessary, disengage from the conversation if it becomes abusive.
Passive-Aggressive Communication Style
Passive-aggressive communicators express their feelings indirectly, often through sarcasm or backhanded compliments. They may appear agreeable on the surface but resist in subtle ways.
Have you ever felt confused by mixed signals in a conversation?
This communication style can lead to tension and frustration.
Key Characteristics:
- Expresses negative feelings indirectly
- Uses sarcasm, backhanded compliments, or makes snide remarks
- Procrastinates on tasks or “forgets” to do things as a form of resistance
- May give the silent treatment or sulk
- Denies being upset while their behavior suggests otherwise
Common Phrases:
- “Fine, whatever.” (said with a contradictory tone/body language)
- “I was only joking.” (after a sarcastic or critical remark)
- Backhanded compliments: “That’s surprisingly good for you.”
- Vague statements or non-committal responses.
Body Language:
- Mismatch between words and facial expressions/body language (e.g., smiling while saying something negative)
- Eye-rolling
- Sighing heavily
- Avoiding direct engagement while showing displeasure
Impact on Others:
- Creates confusion, frustration, and distrust.
- Makes it difficult to address underlying issues directly.
- Can erode relationships over time due to a lack of honest communication.
- Others may feel manipulated or unsure of where they stand.
Dealing with Passive-Aggressive Communicators:
- Address the observed behavior directly and calmly (e.g., “I noticed you said you were fine, but you seem upset. Can we talk about it?”).
- Encourage direct communication and express your preference for honesty.
- Avoid engaging in their passive-aggressive tactics.
- Focus on the issue at hand rather than their indirect cues.
Assertive Communication Style
Assertive communicators express their thoughts and feelings clearly and respectfully. They value both their own needs and those of others, creating a balanced and effective communication environment.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful to communicate with confidence and empathy?
Assertive communication is often the most effective style.
Key Characteristics:
- Expresses needs, thoughts, and feelings directly and respectfully
- Values their own rights and the rights of others
- Listens actively and is open to compromise and collaboration
- Sets clear boundaries
- Confident and uses “I” statements
Common Phrases:
- “I feel [emotion] when [situation] because [reason].”
- “I would like…” or “I need…”
- “I disagree, but I understand your perspective.”
- “No, I’m not able to do that right now.” (said respectfully)
Body Language:
- Maintains appropriate eye contact
- Calm, clear, and confident tone of voice
- Relaxed and open posture
- Congruent verbal and non-verbal messages
Impact on Others:
- Builds trust, respect, and stronger relationships.
- Leads to effective problem-solving and conflict resolution.
- Fosters open and honest communication.
- Others feel heard, valued, and respected.
Benefits of Assertive Communication:
- Reduces stress and misunderstandings.
- Boosts self-esteem and confidence.
- Helps in setting and maintaining healthy boundaries.
- Encourages mutual respect and fair solutions.
The First Step to Authentic Communication: Building Self-awareness
Now that you know several of the primary communication style, which one do you lean towards?
It’s not about having a right or wrong, but to acknowledge where you are so you can walk/train towards where you want to me. Focusing on high stress situations can help narrow your natural tendencies, start with a bit of self-reflection:
- How do you typically handle disagreements?
- What’s your go-to method for giving feedback?
- How do you react when your ideas are challenged?
This journey of self-discovery is crucial for authentic communication. Authenticity in communication is about aligning your outward expression with your core values. When you communicate authentically, you build deeper trust and connection. Everyone exhibits all four of these communication styles sometimes, but it’s important to acknowledge your natural tendencies so you can learn which one to use at different situations.
While you’re building up your self-awareness, don’t be afraid to ask for feedback from trusted colleagues or mentors. They might offer insights into how your communication is perceived that you hadn’t considered.
Adapting Your Communication Style
While knowing your natural style is important, the real magic happens when you learn to adapt. Just like you wouldn’t use a hammer for every task, relying on a single communication style won’t be effective in every scenario. Different team members and situations call for different approaches.
Adaptability means:
- Understanding your audience: Who are you talking to? What are their preferences and cultural backgrounds?
- Reading the room: Pay attention to non-verbal cues. Are people engaged or confused? Adjust your approach accordingly.
- Choosing the right tool for the job: Sometimes a direct approach works best; other times, a coaching or listening-focused style might be more effective.
Reflect on your own style and consider how you might adjust it to better connect with others.
Personal Connection is at the heart of communication
Building personal connections is at the heart of effective communication.
When you genuinely connect with someone, you’re more likely to understand their perspective and find common ground. This connection isn’t just about exchanging words; it’s about creating a sense of trust and respect.
How can you foster this connection?
Developing a range of communication styles is supported by some communication core skills:
- Active Listening: Truly hear and understand the other person’s message. Ask clarifying questions and give your undivided attention.
- Clarity and Transparency: Be clear and specific in your communication. Transparency builds incredible trust.
- The Magic of Open-Ended Questions: Use open-ended questions to encourage deeper thought and foster dialogue.
- The Unspoken Language: Your body language, tone of voice, and facial expressions speak volumes.
Think about your relationship with a good friend, you both had an interest in getting to know each other and asked questions, dropped your guard and gave vulnerable (it’s a good thing) answers, and built trust. It didn’t happen overnight, but as you continued to push your boundaries and getting to know each other, you realized the shared values and appreciated each other’s viewpoints.
Practical Activities for Improving Communication Skills
Let’s talk about some practical activities you can incorporate into your daily routine to enhance your communication skills. Becoming a more versatile and authentic communicator is an ongoing process. It requires:
- Conscious Effort: Pay attention to how you communicate in different situations.
- Seeking Feedback: Continue to ask for input on how you’re coming across.
- Practice: Try out different approaches. Practice builds confidence and skill.
- Patience and Lifelong Learning: Be patient with yourself. Every interaction is a learning opportunity.
Why not try these activities with your family, friends, team or colleagues?
Activity 1: Active Listening Exercise
- Pair up and take turns discussing a topic for two minutes each.
- The listener should focus solely on understanding the speaker’s message without interrupting.
- After each turn, the listener summarizes what they heard, and the speaker provides feedback.
Activity 2: Role-Playing Scenarios
- Create scenarios that involve different communication styles.
- Role-play with your team, experimenting with various responses and approaches.
- Reflect on how each style affects the outcome and what adjustments can lead to more positive interactions.
Emphasizing Mindfulness in Communication
Mindfulness plays a significant role in communication.
By being present and fully engaged in conversations, you can respond thoughtfully rather than react impulsively.
Ever experience an internal voice when someone is talking? Like, a rehearsal of what you might say when the other person is done talking? Or judgmental statements about how good or bad the information given?
You aren’t alone in this experience, nearly all of us do it because it feels like we’re adding value to the conversation. But, what happens in a difficult situation is we are further distancing the communication and interaction, which leads to more miscommunication and misunderstanding.
When you find yourself in your head, pause for a second and let the other speaker know that you didn’t fully understand and if they can rephrase. This allows you to stay mindful when your mind tries to escape the conversation.
Embrace the Journey
Your communication style is a dynamic and powerful part of your leadership identity. By understanding different styles, embracing authenticity, cultivating adaptability, and continuously honing your skills, you can build stronger connections, inspire greater trust, and lead your team with a voice that is both uniquely yours and powerfully effective.
Are you ready to embrace this journey and unlock your full leadership potential?
Incorporate these insights into your daily interactions, and watch how your relationships and career flourish.
If you’d like to accelerate your learning and communication skills development, schedule a consultation and let’s jump start your influence.
